So I haven't posted in a while, but I am making progress!! I haven't kept track of my weight as much, because I have been eating right, and my thyroid is low, so it is very hard to lose weight right now, but I am still keeping at it, and still going strong. I am changing bit by bit, for the better every day, because God is just showing Himself to me more and more.
Our Church just got through with "regenerate" and it was amazing. It was sort of like lent. Most of us gave up something completely for 40 days, and the theme was "Give up, start up, and step up." Basically Pastor Jim challenged us to give something up that may be holding us back, coming in between time that could be spent with God, or just was UN-healthy. Then the start up, was to read more often, pray more often, maybe start an exercise routine. And the step up, was we should all find ways to do some sort of "ministering" and helping people out.
This has affected me forever. I am not the same person as I was 40 days ago, and I won't be ever again. What I have given up, I don't want back. I have spent more time with God these past 40 days, than ever before, and I am changed. I have a new perspective, new outlook and a brighter future. God is so good!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Not in keeping with the usual blog
My husband, Jon, and I were talking tonight about being prepared for the worst. I just wanted to share some of what we talked about, because I feel like it's already causing me to grow as a person, a wife, a parent, etc.
We live in a world, in a time and culture where everything and everyone has the attitude of "gimme' gimme'!" And when they get what they wanted, it's no longer enough. They start to shout, "Gimme'!" All the more. I didn't even think about this fact before tonight, but it's a good thing to remember: for every time you get your way, somebody else does not. You got the house, somebody else who wanted that same house lost out. You got the job, somebody who needed/wanted that job didn't get it. You got the promotion, someone else lost out on that promotion, and so on and so forth it goes.
It's a good thing to keep in mind, when we are throwing tantrums at God and asking Him, "Why haven't you given me that job yet?! Why aren't I out of debt? Why don't I have more money?!" God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. He has the best of intentions for you. If I did not get that job, it probably went to someone who needed it more than me. It's a good way to view life, to know that God is in control, and to just keep striving to do your best in everything you do and in everything you are.
It is also good to wake up every morning with the thought that things could be a whole lot worse, ie: you could be a victim of the tsunami, you could have lost a loved one to that tragedy, you could lose your job, you could lose your health, you could lose your limbs, etc. and I know some of these things sound extreme, but they happen everyday to unassuming people just like you and I, and the only way to be able to face these things is to know who you are, who God is and to be totally grounded in that and to realize that God is in control. It also makes everyday life seem more like the miracle and blessing that is truly is. I am going to put these things into effect in my own life immediately.
Now in the keeping of my usual blog, big progress is being made with my weight loss break through. I am involved in this "event", at my church called Regenerate. It's a lot like lent. We are fasting something or things, that are holding us back for 40 days and we are in this all together. It is so encouraging and powerful to know that we are all pressing on toward God and making progress together and it has helped to keep me on track.
"And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting." Mark 9:29
"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:8
We live in a world, in a time and culture where everything and everyone has the attitude of "gimme' gimme'!" And when they get what they wanted, it's no longer enough. They start to shout, "Gimme'!" All the more. I didn't even think about this fact before tonight, but it's a good thing to remember: for every time you get your way, somebody else does not. You got the house, somebody else who wanted that same house lost out. You got the job, somebody who needed/wanted that job didn't get it. You got the promotion, someone else lost out on that promotion, and so on and so forth it goes.
It's a good thing to keep in mind, when we are throwing tantrums at God and asking Him, "Why haven't you given me that job yet?! Why aren't I out of debt? Why don't I have more money?!" God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. He has the best of intentions for you. If I did not get that job, it probably went to someone who needed it more than me. It's a good way to view life, to know that God is in control, and to just keep striving to do your best in everything you do and in everything you are.
It is also good to wake up every morning with the thought that things could be a whole lot worse, ie: you could be a victim of the tsunami, you could have lost a loved one to that tragedy, you could lose your job, you could lose your health, you could lose your limbs, etc. and I know some of these things sound extreme, but they happen everyday to unassuming people just like you and I, and the only way to be able to face these things is to know who you are, who God is and to be totally grounded in that and to realize that God is in control. It also makes everyday life seem more like the miracle and blessing that is truly is. I am going to put these things into effect in my own life immediately.
Now in the keeping of my usual blog, big progress is being made with my weight loss break through. I am involved in this "event", at my church called Regenerate. It's a lot like lent. We are fasting something or things, that are holding us back for 40 days and we are in this all together. It is so encouraging and powerful to know that we are all pressing on toward God and making progress together and it has helped to keep me on track.
"And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting." Mark 9:29
"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:8
Monday, March 7, 2011
Just found out part of what has been holding me back....thank God they found it
<a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
fear is a bad thing
I went to my set free class tonight and fear came up again. And for anyone who has known me for most of my life, they know that I was literally born a fearful baby. When I was born, I was afraid of everybody including my own dad. I clung to my mom for dear life. When I was ages 0-5 I had horrendous reoccurring dreams of the grim reaper coming into my house and killing everyone but me, leaving me as an orphan. I had desperate fears every time we got into the car that we would get into a car accident and my whole family would die except for me, and I would be left alone and it caused me to be car sick on almost every car ride. When I got to be a little older I would stay awake at night when my mom worked late, cause I would be worried that my mom was hurt or dead, and I could not sleep until she got home. This of course was made worse when my mom did almost die twice.
Fear has been a big part of my life. It has held me back from a lot of things and kept me from being truly happy for a long time. Even when Jon and I first got married I was so fearful of everything. If I heard a slight noise outside I would be up all night worrying. I gave that to God and He took it from me, but when my daughter was born, a new fear crept up. I would be up so many nights watching her breathe, making sure she was OK and when she graduated from the bassinet to the crib I worried that something was going on in there, and would be kept up most nights worrying about things I couldn't see, that were not even happening.
I eventually (quite recently) gave that to God as well, and He took that worry away. There are other things that still worry me, and I realize it is the main thing holding me back from my weight loss and I need to get rid of fear and all forms of fear. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.1 Timothy 1:7. If God has not given us a spirit of fear, then the only explanation of where fear comes from, is that it comes from the devil and that is so true. Without you being fearful, the devil has no power over you, plain and simple.
Here are some excerpts from my "12 Steps for Christians" book we are studying.
Resentment and fear are 2 issues that need to be dealt with before we can begin the process of taking inventory. Our resentment toward people, places and things that have injured us keeps us preoccupied and limits our ability to live in the present moment. Resentment results from hiding the bitter hurts that have tarnished our lives. It evokes anger, frustration and depression. When our resentments are unresolved, we risk developing severe physical and mental illness.
Fear limits our ability to be rational. When fear is present, it is difficult to see situations in their true perspective. Fear is the root of other repressive and painful feelings. It prevents us from expressing ourselves honestly and stops us from responding in appropriate ways to threatening situations. So to change our behavior, we must first face and accept our fears. By acknowledging our fearful nature, we can expect a temporary loss of self-esteem; fortunately this will return as we become more willing to rely on God.
Fear has been a big part of my life. It has held me back from a lot of things and kept me from being truly happy for a long time. Even when Jon and I first got married I was so fearful of everything. If I heard a slight noise outside I would be up all night worrying. I gave that to God and He took it from me, but when my daughter was born, a new fear crept up. I would be up so many nights watching her breathe, making sure she was OK and when she graduated from the bassinet to the crib I worried that something was going on in there, and would be kept up most nights worrying about things I couldn't see, that were not even happening.
I eventually (quite recently) gave that to God as well, and He took that worry away. There are other things that still worry me, and I realize it is the main thing holding me back from my weight loss and I need to get rid of fear and all forms of fear. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.1 Timothy 1:7. If God has not given us a spirit of fear, then the only explanation of where fear comes from, is that it comes from the devil and that is so true. Without you being fearful, the devil has no power over you, plain and simple.
Here are some excerpts from my "12 Steps for Christians" book we are studying.
Resentment and fear are 2 issues that need to be dealt with before we can begin the process of taking inventory. Our resentment toward people, places and things that have injured us keeps us preoccupied and limits our ability to live in the present moment. Resentment results from hiding the bitter hurts that have tarnished our lives. It evokes anger, frustration and depression. When our resentments are unresolved, we risk developing severe physical and mental illness.
Fear limits our ability to be rational. When fear is present, it is difficult to see situations in their true perspective. Fear is the root of other repressive and painful feelings. It prevents us from expressing ourselves honestly and stops us from responding in appropriate ways to threatening situations. So to change our behavior, we must first face and accept our fears. By acknowledging our fearful nature, we can expect a temporary loss of self-esteem; fortunately this will return as we become more willing to rely on God.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
One of the most powerful things I have ever read.
So, this is what we read at Set Free last night. It's from the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, chapter 5, and it works the same way as over eating. When alcohol comes up, we replace it with the word food, and it works exactly the same way. This is one of the most powerful and freeing things I have ever read. This should be read by everyone, because everyone can learn and grow from this, not just alcoholics or over eaters. Hope you get as much out of it as I did.
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wish ed, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered, ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protest ations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we a re His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.
When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less a nd less interested in ourselves, our own little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.
We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.
We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.
Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle with who we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self- esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up." On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with? We were usually as definite as this example:
We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong w as as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As i n war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.
We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.
Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wish ed, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered, ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protest ations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we a re His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.
When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less a nd less interested in ourselves, our own little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.
We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.
We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.
Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle with who we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self- esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up." On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with? We were usually as definite as this example:
| I'm resentful at: | The Cause | Affects my: |
| Mr. Brown | His attention to my wife. Told my wife of my mistress. Brown may get my job at the office. | Sex relations Self-esteem (fear) Sex-relations Self-esteem (fear) Security Self-Esteem (fear) |
| Mrs Jones | She's a nut - she snubbed me. She committed her husband for drinking. He's my friend. She's a gossip. | Personal relationship. Self-esteem (fear) |
| My employer | Unreasonable - Unjust - Overbearing - Threatens to fire me for drinking and padding my expense account. | Self-esteem (fear) Security. |
| My wife | Misunderstands and nags. Likes Brown. Wants house put in her name. | Pride - personal sex relations - Security (fear) |
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.
We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.
Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
My wake up call
Today was uneventful, right up until set free. Uneventful as in nothing huge happened, but as every other mom probably thinks, I consider every day with my daughter amazing, and full of new surprises and such happiness, so to everyone else it was uneventful, but every day, to me, is an amazing miracle. Moving on....
I almost had to drag myself to set free, because my daughter had a stomach ache and was crying a whole 30 minutes before I left, and I was rocking her and singing to her and I didn't want to leave her, but I did know she would be in good hands with her daddy, I just didn't want to leave my hurting baby. That is just an example of what happens every single tuesday. Something ALWAYS comes up when I am supposed to be at Set Free, and I could have every excuse in the book not to go, but I usually make myself go, and end up better for it, like tonight.
I'll go more into depth tomorrow, by writing out what we read, but what we read tonight changed my life. Changed my entire perspective, it was like a slap in the face big wake up call.
It made me think about what has happened in my dads life, my Grandpa Crumpacker's life, My Great Aunt Virginia's life, and My Grandpa's siblings lives. They all suffered from a heart attack, and all of them but my dad died, and my dad has had 2 of them.
When he had his second heart attack, he was living up in Rocklin, while we were here in Los Angeles, and my daughter was only 9 months old. I was so upset and mad. I cried all day and made myself sick (literally), but all I could think about was how mad I was at my dad for letting it happen again. I just kept thinking that it was so selfish of him to not make a conscious effort to stop eating the way he was, and to have this happen again, and to possibly let his granddaughter go through the same things myself, my sisters and my cousins went through, with not knowing our Grandpa. I love my dad so much, he is one of the most kind, tender hearted people I know, and I wanted my daughter to really know him, not just know stories of him.
I have been such a hypocrite though. How could I, with what runs in my family, keep eating the way I have been. I have been so selfish. I have not been thinking of my husband, my daughter, my dad, my mom, my sisters, my friends, my cousins and all who might love me, in those moments when I just have to have one more bite, or that one piece of cake, or that bag of chips. And although it was so easy for me to place blame on my dad, I was placing blame on anything else but me. What am I waiting for? An onset of diabetes? A heart attack? I WILL NOT let what was my family's past, or something "in the genes" be my destiny. I AM GOING to be here (unless God takes me sooner) to watch my children grow up, to see my grandchildren and to grow old with my husband. What a wake up call tonight has been.
And dad, if you are reading this, I no longer think you are selfish. I completely understand where you are coming from, and I know how difficult it is. You are one of my hero's especially the way you reversed your diabetes, lost weight, reversed your bad cholesterol and high blood pressure and we are all, so proud of you. I love you so much daddy, and I cannot tell you how happy we all are that you are still with us.
I almost had to drag myself to set free, because my daughter had a stomach ache and was crying a whole 30 minutes before I left, and I was rocking her and singing to her and I didn't want to leave her, but I did know she would be in good hands with her daddy, I just didn't want to leave my hurting baby. That is just an example of what happens every single tuesday. Something ALWAYS comes up when I am supposed to be at Set Free, and I could have every excuse in the book not to go, but I usually make myself go, and end up better for it, like tonight.
I'll go more into depth tomorrow, by writing out what we read, but what we read tonight changed my life. Changed my entire perspective, it was like a slap in the face big wake up call.
It made me think about what has happened in my dads life, my Grandpa Crumpacker's life, My Great Aunt Virginia's life, and My Grandpa's siblings lives. They all suffered from a heart attack, and all of them but my dad died, and my dad has had 2 of them.
When he had his second heart attack, he was living up in Rocklin, while we were here in Los Angeles, and my daughter was only 9 months old. I was so upset and mad. I cried all day and made myself sick (literally), but all I could think about was how mad I was at my dad for letting it happen again. I just kept thinking that it was so selfish of him to not make a conscious effort to stop eating the way he was, and to have this happen again, and to possibly let his granddaughter go through the same things myself, my sisters and my cousins went through, with not knowing our Grandpa. I love my dad so much, he is one of the most kind, tender hearted people I know, and I wanted my daughter to really know him, not just know stories of him.
I have been such a hypocrite though. How could I, with what runs in my family, keep eating the way I have been. I have been so selfish. I have not been thinking of my husband, my daughter, my dad, my mom, my sisters, my friends, my cousins and all who might love me, in those moments when I just have to have one more bite, or that one piece of cake, or that bag of chips. And although it was so easy for me to place blame on my dad, I was placing blame on anything else but me. What am I waiting for? An onset of diabetes? A heart attack? I WILL NOT let what was my family's past, or something "in the genes" be my destiny. I AM GOING to be here (unless God takes me sooner) to watch my children grow up, to see my grandchildren and to grow old with my husband. What a wake up call tonight has been.
And dad, if you are reading this, I no longer think you are selfish. I completely understand where you are coming from, and I know how difficult it is. You are one of my hero's especially the way you reversed your diabetes, lost weight, reversed your bad cholesterol and high blood pressure and we are all, so proud of you. I love you so much daddy, and I cannot tell you how happy we all are that you are still with us.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day who knows, but it's going great!
I've lost track of when I started this blog...lol...I guess I could look at the oldest post, but that would take time. The diet is going amazingly well! I am staying on track and I have found that I loooove being healthy! I love excercising, I love eating healthy foods, I love the way it makes me feel! It's been amazing, and I have lost 15 pounds so far!
My 12 step group is helping a lot as well. I've been thinking about the verse in the Bible when Jesus says, "Men do not live on bread alone, but on the word of God." and I was thinking that everytime I get tempted to eat junk, or feel hungry when I'm not, I'm going to start praying and/or reading the word of God to encourage me, because I am pretty sure that's what He was talking about.
I am actually starting to see food in a healthy light now, for what it is. It is nothing more than fuel to keep us going. I only want to put the best gas in my car (which is why I usually go to Chevron) I want something that is going to cause it to run smoothly. I don't want to over due it, nor do I want to put stuff in the tank that I know will harm it, so why would I want to do that to my own body?
As an American, it is really hard to grasp this, because so much of what we do involves food. We have dates which are normally dinner and a movie, we've got the get together's with friends that usually involves food, parties involve a lot of food, superbowls, potlucks, etc. and there is something tempting on almost every corner, like the donut shop, or a fast food restaurant with tempting signs and aromas to entice us to come in. It is so hard to resist, and to think of food in a healthy way, because we are surrounded by it. It's not like drugs, drugs are less hard to come by, and with alchohol, if someone notices you going to the bar quite a bit, they'll say something and try to intervene, but everyone's gotta eat, and everyone loves junk food, and almost nobody is looking at food in a healthy way, so it is more readily available,. and much harder to resist.
So I am trying to change my whole mindset, when most of the people around me have another, which is going to be difficult, but I can do it with the strength that comes through prayer and reading the word of God! I am so excited about this change! As always, God bless and stay tuned!
My 12 step group is helping a lot as well. I've been thinking about the verse in the Bible when Jesus says, "Men do not live on bread alone, but on the word of God." and I was thinking that everytime I get tempted to eat junk, or feel hungry when I'm not, I'm going to start praying and/or reading the word of God to encourage me, because I am pretty sure that's what He was talking about.
I am actually starting to see food in a healthy light now, for what it is. It is nothing more than fuel to keep us going. I only want to put the best gas in my car (which is why I usually go to Chevron) I want something that is going to cause it to run smoothly. I don't want to over due it, nor do I want to put stuff in the tank that I know will harm it, so why would I want to do that to my own body?
As an American, it is really hard to grasp this, because so much of what we do involves food. We have dates which are normally dinner and a movie, we've got the get together's with friends that usually involves food, parties involve a lot of food, superbowls, potlucks, etc. and there is something tempting on almost every corner, like the donut shop, or a fast food restaurant with tempting signs and aromas to entice us to come in. It is so hard to resist, and to think of food in a healthy way, because we are surrounded by it. It's not like drugs, drugs are less hard to come by, and with alchohol, if someone notices you going to the bar quite a bit, they'll say something and try to intervene, but everyone's gotta eat, and everyone loves junk food, and almost nobody is looking at food in a healthy way, so it is more readily available,. and much harder to resist.
So I am trying to change my whole mindset, when most of the people around me have another, which is going to be difficult, but I can do it with the strength that comes through prayer and reading the word of God! I am so excited about this change! As always, God bless and stay tuned!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)